This sounds like I'm ranting about high school. About how some situations made us feel so insecure, so unsure of ourselves. Well, I'm past that. Yet things still happen, and it feels like I never left high school. Out there remains an unseen line dividing what is cool, and what is not cool.

Just like when someone tries to undermine your achievement, and claims somebody else is way, way better than you. Not just today, but all the time. Or yells at the middle of your speech, "You lie!" If you have been watching the news lately, you know what I am talking about. I guess you can't be pleased with what everybody does. Admit it or not, there must be somebody you want to hit with your shoes. It doesn't mean you have to act on it. That's not cool. 

Unfortunately, we don't live in a fantasy land where we can insert scenes of what is going through our minds. Whether it is us breaking into song, beating Michael Phelps in a winner-take-all freestyle swimming competition, reaching the peak of Mt. Everest alive, or Simon Cowell recognizing that you've got talent. Others may have more morbid thoughts, but let's not get into those. That's not cool.

In reality, what goes through my mind is simply having that "rewind" button, and being able to change or undo things--especially when I need to.

Maybe that can be cool.

Yet I guess I have to learn that I can't always be cool. Maybe what really counts are those humbling moments that bring us back to earth. Not every moment is your moment. Zero gravity does look cool for a second. But it can be dizzying. Having your feet firmly on the ground feels a lot better. And that's cool.  

I can't believe that it's been a little over a month since I've written anything here...sometimes I just forget. Sometimes I just have nothing to write. Sometimes I have too much fun just lurking and reading other people's posts. Sometimes I am just here thinking of how to fill out this page with something worth your time. And most of the time, I even fail doing that...but I'll keep trying. Here it goes...

It's uncanny how you share so many things in common with your mom. Maybe you sound the same over the phone. You just hoped this happened sooner when you could have used such ability to get out of school by calling in sick. Now, her friends just think your mom is trying to get out of something by pretending it's her daughter speaking. Not fair. As years pass by, I begin to realize how am I beginning to sound like mom...like repeating things over and over to some people...like a song on the iPod on constant repeat mode. When the truth is, I just don't want to forget stuff. Sometimes it's no use writing it down because I'd misplace that Post-It note anyway, or forget where I placed it. Just like my mom.

We both like talking back to the TV. Especially when we're watching quiz shows...how stupid can you get, we say to the TV as if reprimanding a child over not knowing what to do or say in a crucial time. But I believe my mom is a little more aggressive when it comes to calling people names on TV. She does it with such gusto that you might think she's watching a sports event. Her voice can be overheard by our neighbors. Then she would tell me, How can we get on that show?, with the confidence of a champion.

But one thing we share in common, as if this runs in our genes, is the way we embarrass ourselves. I thought it was so stupid of me to have taken the wrong shuttle service that took me longer to get home last week. Then, last night, my mom also took the wrong ride that took her at least 30 minutes longer to get home in time for dinner. Looking back, my siblings have no tales like these to share. Maybe all these blooper genes went to me. For what reason? I don't know...maybe so that you'd have something to read.

I'm sorry--I don't think you can stop me from watching Lost in pretty much the same way I cannot stop you from watching Law and Order and its spin-offs or any other show you deeply care about. I'm not very smart, and this show proves that I am not. Its more literary writers occasionally drop hints via well-placed titles such as Flannery O'Connor's Everything that Rises Must Converge.

Clearly, there was more to the story than just the plane crash in 2004. In the last five years, it has alternately brought laughter and tears to its captive audience. And no matter how the naysayers and the casual viewers say that the show is becoming more and more confusing--what with the time-traveling elements weaved into much of the fifth season--it is never short on heart. The character "Juliet" just killed me last night with this line: "If I never meet you, then I never have to lose you."

Sawyer and Juliet

And that's just a set-up to the cliffhanger.